TRANSITIONS
7 tips for supporting transitions over the Summer holidays (or anytime!)
Transitions can be tricky for all children from time to time, but for autistic children, children with sensory integration and processing difficulties, ADHD and children who have experienced trauma, transitions can be especially hard.
Leaving the playground for the day, switching from art to math in school, ending screen time to clean teeth, or eat dinner are examples of daily transitions our children may face. Being asked to change activities or locations may result in behavior like crying, yelling, refusal, running away or a full-blown meltdown. And while the behaviors may be the same, the reasons underlying the behavior are different for children with different challenges.
Very young children, toddlers and children with emotional and developmental difficulties are not yet able to handle the big emotions that can come with transitions. For autistic children, anything that takes them away from their routine can feel overwhelming. This can be the same for children with sensory processing difficulties. Novelty or new situations can feel scary. Whereas order and control promote feelings of safety. For children with anxiety, trouble with transitions may come from a place of fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of what’s going to happen when in a new situation.
For kids with ADHD, it’s often about what they perceive as rewarding. Regulating attention (turning your attention to something you are expected to do rather than something you find rewarding) is often tricky. Ask them to do something less rewarding, like pack up a fun activity might result in resistance. Linked to this resistance is that children with ADHD often have less control over their emotional responses. For children who have experienced trauma, transitions can often be tied to feelings of loss and relinquishing control. Transitions also allow for testing of boundaries. Conflict goes hand in hand with a heightened state of arousal, which is often more familiar (and therefore feels safer) to these children, even if this is negative.
How can we help kids with transitions?
1. Create predictable and consistent routines.
Children gain much of their sense of security from familiar adults, items, and routines. For transitions that happen every day, consistent routines can have a big payoff, for example a bedtime routine. Children respond better to transitions when they are prepared in advance and know what to expect from adults. However, it’s impossible (and realistic) to plan out every moment of every day and so hopefully the ideas below also assist with this process!
2. Try using a timer on your phone.
Verbally and visually remind your child that they have four to five minutes left to play. Show them your timer. You may even like to provide a choice, “should I press start or do you want to?” which involves your child actively in the process. Make sure your child hears the timer when it goes off. Most children do not have a great sense of time passing and so using a timer consistently for routine activities will help build this awareness. For example, setting a two-minute timer for cleaning teeth. As they become older, a timer becomes a helpful visual cue that the end is approaching.
3. Support your child to remain regulated during the activity to minimize a meltdown when it comes to transition time.
For example, encourage your child to have a snack while watching TV, sit with them and comment on the characters together. Crunching and chewing provides regulating sensory input and interacting promotes social engagement which supports your child to remain in a calm-alert state. Offering a snack, something to suck on or a drink as part of the transition i.e. While putting shoes on to walk out the door can also be helpful.
P.S If you didn’t catch our blog on “The Regulating Properties of Food” please check it out on our website here. You’ll learn more about how we can use food to change the way we feel!
4. Play music!
Music provides an auditory cue a transition is approaching. Continue to play music during the transition process. Prepare your child by letting them know you will play music when there is say 5 minutes to go. Allow your child to choose what song they would like to hear, which will likely capture their attention, promote positive feelings, and make the process of transitioning (or packing up!) a little easier.
5. Try to make leaving fun.
Fun is hard to resist, especially if you are a child, so try adding fun to transitions. For example, a piggyback ride to the car, a running race, making silly noises together, follow the leader, hop like a bunny. Add a fun, relational incentive like “when we get home, we’ll pop some bubbles together” or remind them of a toy already waiting for them in the car. If you make a promise, make sure you follow through with it. And when things just don’t go to plan, despite our best efforts, chocolate and bribes are always an option and every parent needs this in their toolbox!
6. Scaffold your support.
When emotions are running high, it’s more difficult to use our thinking brain. Activities which you know your child can do may suddenly become difficult. For example, putting on shoes or tidying up. Also, these tasks become trickier when we are in a rush, there is extra pressure to get things done quickly, we tend to talk faster and use a louder voice. If your child is developing a new skill, like putting on socks and shoes, step in and provide extra hands-on support when you need to get out the door. Or provide a choice, “do you want mummy to put your shoes on or you? Save the socks and shoes practice for when you know you have more time and they are motivated to do it, because doing so means outside play! Your child will be in a calmer state, and they will be better able to cope with the learning process when things don’t quite go to plan.
7. Validate your child’s feelings.
Finishing something fun is hard. Let your child know you understand this by saying something like “It is hard to leave the park because it is fun,” but be firm and say, “But it’s time to go now and we can come back again soon.” Genuine empathy for the child’s experience combined with firm boundaries is a learning opportunity for the child and helps them to cope with challenges they will inevitably face as they become older. By experiencing their parent as consistent, loving but firm, children learn that you mean what you say and after repeated experiences, they will transition more easily. Remember: Clear is kind, unclear is unkind.
